The third cord

I’m going to start off with this disclaimer, I’m very unmarried. I did however get a revelation of sorts about the third cord this morning.

There’s an illustration on marriage that I saw on social media once and I it was referenced during a sermon a friend preached this passed Sunday. I’m going to try and draw it with my words, I really hope you can picture it. Okay, so just imagine a triangle; God at the top, man on the right and woman on the left. When both parties peruse God, they both move closer to the top point of the triangle, God. This causes them to move closer to each other without even trying. If only one of them persues God, there’s still a gap between them. If the both of them try to work things out by themselves, they move further from God and of course, each other. The space left between them that obviously isn’t being filled by God will be occupied by something/one else, this thing/person will be taking God’s place as the third cord in the union. Remember that the fall of Lucifer, the great angel of worship was because he wanted to take God’s place… let that simmer for a while. Now, the moment Adam and Eve opened their minds to the possibility of having something better than what they already had from God, they opened that space in their minds to the devil who then became their third cord… let that simmer for a while.

That moment of moving from God and allowing the devil in his place for Adam and Eve caused generations of mankind that would be born from them to suffer for all of eternity. That one action forced God’s hand to drastically change his entire plan for mankind. That’s what dealing with it outside of God can do!

Think of Sarah and Abraham. God promised them Isaac and they went and did things themselves, away from God and His plans and ended up with Ishmael. But God being rich in grace and mercy made good on Ishmael’s existence. Many of us have tried doing things away from God and tried to work them out on our own and ended up with an Ishmael. Trust God to make good with that too. Acknowledge your part in that coming to being and keep perusing Him in your union, when you both do so with Him as your third cord, you’ll be fine. Maybe not great because it’s not an Isaac, but you’ll be fine. While acknowledging your part in the current situation, respect your vows, you didn’t just make them to each other, you made them to God.

“When you vow a vow to God, do not delay paying it, for He has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you vow. It is better that you should not vow than you should vow and not pay. Let not your mouth lead you into sin, and do not say before the messager that it was a mistake. Why should God be angry at your voice and destroy the work of your hands? For when dreams increase and words grow many, there is vanity,but God is the one you must fear.” Ecclesiastes 5:4-7.

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Dear No one…

I came across Tori Kelly about three years ago when I was just scrolling down Hillsong United’s Facebook profile, that’s where I saw a video of her covering Oceans (Where feet may fail) at one of her concerts an underground group featured. That being my (and everyone else’s) favourite song with those vocals, I fell in love! I looked for her Facebook page and spent all night watching her videos and got some of her songs. Made for loving you featuring Ed Sheeran quickly became a favourite and made it onto my wedding playlist. And then I heard Dear no one… when I had this song on repeat, I was also reading The Chase by Kelsey and Kyle Kupecky. It was exactly what I needed to help me feel normal about being a 22 year old who had never been in a relationship (yes, I had a wedding playlist anyway). Singing those lyrics out loud while reading a happily ever after book authored by the woman who the Bailey Flannigan Series by Karen Kingsbury (her mother) was based on empowered me in the most incredible way. It made it okay to write letters addressed to Dear No One because what I was reading was proof that trusting God with your happily ever after paid off.

I bought Tori’s Unbreakable Smile album soon after and it became one of my all time favourite albums. I seriously love everyone of those songs. City Dove brought me to tears. Here was this girl, six months older than me, living my dream exactly the way I wanted to do it; having her Christianity on display while in the circular scene, and she too went through the lost phases I went though. That album became my lifeline. At one point P!nk’s Mizunderstood album carried me through my angry phase, Unbreakable Smile dared me to live up to its name. Smiling and loving still through her heart breaks. Loving… just like the title of the last book in the Bailey Flannigan Series.

I just bought Paper Hearts by Tori and the first thing that came to mind when I heard it and felt all the things her vocals made me feel was “I hope my Dear No One makes me feel like Tori’s voice and music does.” All that intensity, realness and a hint of gentleness with genuine innocence. I used to say love had to taste like plain milk chocolate and sound like John Legend, but those two don’t carry the genuine innocence part that Tori does.

Reading about her marriage made me believe in the devine happily after again after I had lost all hope in it. Learning that her upcoming album is a full Gospel album… Love I said. You can pre-order it here http://torikelly.lnk.to/HidingPlace

So Dear No One, this is your love song.

Something old for something new

Today is my first day at work 😁. I’ve been unemployed for almost two years now, previously,I had a two year stint in a jewelry store, a bank learnership and sales at pop ups for a natural body product company. So really, at 25, this is my first real job. And for the first time in I think all my life, I’m not anxious at all.

I’m wearing a pair of trousers that my mom gave me, shoes that my mom gave me, my sister gave me the cami I’m wearing. Only my bag and blazer were mine from the beginning. Bought the bag with my learnership stipend. I can’t believe I’m going to pay for my own hair again! I’m going to buy things for myself again and get my savings going again.

I didn’t know how many people had my back until I had to tell people I got a job,oh and the best wishes videos, calls and texts last night to this morning. Both old and new,as well as the old ones that now new again.

I saw some of those this weekend

Hello new chapter.

Love letter to the Radio ❤

Sometimes it takes the right playlist to defibrillate my heart to “that’s more like it” bpm. I love how unlike the playlist on my phone, I can’t predict what’s coming next; when song that I needed comes after song that I needed even when I didn’t know what I needed I know heaven is winking at me.

When I started this post I was sitting in a McDonald’s after an interview and the radio was just giving me life with songs I didn’t know. Usually, I feel like the radio gives me life when old faves play after each other. Because of this, I usually stay away from “current music” radio stations. The more I hear the playlist in some stores though, I’m constantly swayed…

So thank you Radio, for carrying me through nostalgia to growth, even though you started the nostalgia. For making me feel the kind of love and romantic heartbreak that I’ve never experienced. For allowing me my anger when I’m not ready to make nice like the Dixie Chicks. Thank you for allowing me to get my hoe is life and they’re-so-lucky-I’m-fat on. Thank you for the club experience.

Thank you for introducing me to all genres of music for my different phases and faces, to the Liannes and the likes.

Thank you for loving me.

School of unlearning

I grew up in the church. I knew the difference between knowing God for yourself and knowing of God when I was very young and I confidently fell into the former category. That’s where I’ve been all my life, I’ve strayed a little now and then but never too far to return… until this year.

I’ve been free falling in the past couple of years, in the last few months though were unlike anything I’ve ever been through. Long story short, I practically renounced God. I made myself unlearn PUSH, WWJD?, finding solace in scripture, all of it. This was all I’d ever known my whole life.

Recently, things really started looking up again but I’ve robbed myself of the experience of living in this joyous time because I just realized that trained myself to feel nothing anymore… But “nothing” includes happy feelings too. I could tell that the people around me couldn’t understand why I wasn’t happier, and for a while I didn’t know either. It then hit me that I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, I was constantly expecting disappointment. Not feeling the effects of the looming disappointments means not being able to enjoy the enjoyable moments too. So as easy and safe as this is, I know that if I want to live, this is something else that I need to unlearn.

They say it takes our bodies 21 days to unlearn habits; what about what we’ve spent our whole lives learning? Patriarchy, for example, it’s been a part of human nature since forever. The fight for women’s rights began decades ago if not more, but even today, you find the most progressive of women (not men) treating themselves, their daughters and/or other women as less capable than their male counterparts, even when they’ve proven themselves to be more responsible.

Considering how long it took to even begin the process of unlearning some things it’s only fair to be a more understanding in the process of ridding our minds of all the rubbish teachings and then learning all the correct ones. No 21 steps here, just patience and willingness. In the meantime, The Serenity Prayer…

School of Rock:

Teacher: “Would you like a hug?”

Little girl: *Screams* “I’ll be good, I swear!”

Grey’s Anatomy:

*Sydney hugs Cristina*

Cristina: “Ow ow ow…”

Sydney: “Did I hurt you?”

Cristina: “You’re hugging me.”

This is basically the kinds of mini exchanges that used to happen in my head when I was about to hug someone. I’m not sure when this thing I had with hugs started or when it ended… or started to at least, it’s a process okay.

I used to love hugs! They were a real thing for me once upon a time. So real I would get genuinely offended by cold hugs. I thought you could tell a lot about someone based on the kind of hugs they give. Yeah, I don’t know how that last one made any sense to me. The point is, I took hugs really seriously, I loved, wanted and even needed them… and then one day, they started triggering claustrophobia and asthma attacks. Talk about extremes!

My hugaphobia isn’t as bad as it once was. Mostly because I worry about all the alleged health and emotional benefits I might be missing out on. Granted, I’m already a little emotionally stunted; but is it ever too late? I usually think so but sorta kinda low-key hope it isn’t.

Epilogue

My favourite part of a book. That tug at your heart when the sadness of the impending goodbye grows with each page turn of the last chapter is almost unbearable. It’s like free falling, only, it’s not because the book is going to end, but then the author cautions your fall with the epilogue. Your life has been intertwined with those of these characters for so long, they’re real and dear to you. You have to know that their okay.

I just finished a five book series that I read over the period of just over a month. Of course I was invested! The heart palpitations, the “aws” , the entire emotional rollercoaster of watching these people rise and fall together, the anxiety and desperate need to get that Google Play voucher for the next book and the one after that just before the end of the last chapter. It’s such an empty feeling not to have to rush for the next one. The least the author can do is give you a fast forward to their happily ever after. Knowing that they’re going to be alright makes it easier to let go and simultaneously hold on to the memories of living through the story with them.

I can’t help but think of how our lives are often likened to books and our many seasons as the different chapters. Do our lives get epilogues? I’m not even sure I know what that would be. Obviously no fast forward in real life; but it is written somewhere that “it all works out for her in the future”? Somewhere either than Romans 8:28 I mean, and somewhere where I either get a sneak peek or someone else does and let’s me know.

Who exactly reads the stories of our lives if we don’t make a huge enough difference that our stories are in public journals? Are they just for us to dance through for the great Director?

But who’s watching the show?!